Of Regrets and Goals

Over the past year of my life, it has been easy to slip into thoughts of despair and regret. I have been blessed with a body that has rarely failed me in my life . . . until the last year or so. Even then, it hasn't necessarily failed me, it has merely been less then par. There are few things that are more annoying then a sub-par body.

My irritation heightens when I take into account the absolute knowledge that there are certain types of injuries that are reserved solely for old individuals and that these are the type of injuries that I am experiencing. Why would I be sustaining "old people" injuries? This topic is most perplexing. Only in recent reflective moments have I discovered the truth. I am an individual of the "old" variety.

This has led me to periodically ponder the past. My physical ailments proved to be a springboard to a much greater study of all things in reference to my personal history. In so doing, I have found myself debilitated by the disappointment of regret. In many of my nostalgic episodes, mental lists are conjured up to reflect my squandered opportunities, bad eating habits, etc. I even trick myself into thinking that this is a healthy exercise because it will motivate me to do better. I spend many a day dreaming of the past when dreams were clearly meant to focus on the future.

And then, on this Sunday evening, I had a discussion with my wife about goals. She is well on her way to reaching a goal she set out to achieve, and it is very clear that she will succeed. I found myself encouraging her to go faster and harder, as it seemed she might be able to beat her own expectations of herself. We had some healthy back and forth until finally something clicked.

It seemed, at the beginning of the evening, that the best way to be motivated to do better was to be dissatisfied with what had previously been done. For example: If a person were cool enough to sell bottles for a living, but they sold only one bottle for a whole month, this person would be motivated to do much better because they had performed so despicably throughout the previous month. The example certainly lends itself to some truth, but, after our discussion, it became clear that this type of motivation is of the least effective variety. The better, and possibly best, motivation comes not from disappointment or regret but from a pure desire to want to do more. What is the difference? Alas, I don't know if I can explain, but I do know there is a difference.

Both the past and the future are dependent and hinge upon the present. And, if in the present we look towards and focus on the past, we will then, quite literally, back our way into the future with thoughts of regret and disappointment constantly before our face. However, if in the present, we face the future and focus on the possibilities and opportunities that lay before us, we can have all of our disappointments and regrets squarely behind us.

By writing these thoughts down, I hope I have en graven them in mind, so that I can start to follow my own conclusions on the matter. Truly, it is the action not the thought, that is the most difficult to accomplish. Which brings me back to my beginning point . . . man is my body getting old. I hope I can find enough energy in my rickety old frame to kick my crippled self into action. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.