Seeing Things As They Are

An interesting term is set forth in Ether chapter 12. Moroni uses the term "plain humility" to describe how the Lord spoke with him face to face. So is there a difference between plain humility and elaborate humility? To read the whole context of the discussion between the Lord and Moroni helps me better understand what may be meant by this use of the term.

First - the verbiage used earlier in the conversation by the Lord does not come across as overly humble. It is fairly harsh in some instances - "Fools mock, but they shall mourn . . .". Yet this is plain humility. It is very direct in some places and may even sound as if the Lord understands that He knows things that we don't. (How know-it-all-ish) - "Men come unto me and I will show them their weakness." Yet this is plain humility. Shouldn't someone who is perfectly humble be less focused on our weaknesses and more on their own? Of course Christ doesn't have any weaknesses - so the question becomes how can you be perfect and humble? My dad had a song for this - the lyrics went something like this: "O Lord its hard to be humble and perfect in every way!" Or perhaps the word humble is wildly misunderstood and to be plainly humble is very different then what most people seem to view it as.

So lets cross reference the word plain found in the above referenced passage. When you participate in that activity you find that the cross references take you two instances in the scriptures where plainness refers to truth. Simple truth. Truth that could not be misconstrued.

It would appear the Lord spoke plainly, without the intent to offend or hurt, but with the intent to teach truth so that it could not be misconstrued. Elder Uchtdorf mentioned in his most recent conference talk that pride (which is the opposite of humility) would seek to bring down or destroy someone else. So the Lord, when speaking with Moroni, spoke plainly with no malice, but harshly according to the truth. Humility and truth are very closely tied because Humility relies on truth in order to be accurate.

The Lord needed to be plain. He wanted to tell Moroni how things are or how they really will be, to the point that Moroni could not misconstrue His message or His words. People who are humble recognize their weaknesses and in fact he commended Moroni earlier in the conversation for recognizing his weakness in writing. He commended him because Moroni saw things for what they were - he saw the truth.

Moroni continued, in humility, to apparently boast of being "mighty in faith". The Lord didn't seem to have a problem with that. Why not - that isn't very humble. Someone with the gall to openly declare that they are mighty? However brash those words may seem, it would appear that it also fell within the realm of humility because it was also true. And it really obviously was. Humility may be nothing more then seeing ourselves as we really are.

The savior answered Moses - "I am that I am." What a wonderful statement. Some of my favorite statements of the savior are His I am statements. "I am the way, the truth, and the life . . . " "I am the light and life of the world." "I am the first and the last." "I am your advocate with the father." "Art thou the Christ, the son of the blessed? - I am." Our Great God and His Son have never been bashful to say who they were. Knowing what we are and who we are is a characteristic we must posses. We must know the truth of what we are. We must have the humility of knowing ourselves for what we truly are.

I love the account of the people of King Benjamin upon hearing his famous sermon upon the tower. The scriptures say that they viewed themselves in their own carnal state. They were only able to make changes in their lives when they were able to see, in the depths of humility, what they plainly were. Once they did see themselves in their true state - they were able to make glorious changes in their lives. One of the changes was to no longer have any desire to do evil, but to do good continually.

There is a real power that can come over our lives when we are able to be humble enough to see ourselves as we are. That power is manifest in the Lord's ability to help us make the changes we need to make to be more like Him.

I have had many opportunities in recent months to see myself as I am. It isn't always pleasant. It also isn't always easy to change. But I am grateful to have the knowledge of what I am and who I want to be. I now know what I need to seek and what I need to change. It reminds me of a Michael Martin Murphy song that demonstrates the cycle of learning. It states (to the best of my memory) that the "higher you climb - the more that you see - the more that you see - the more that you know - the more that you know - the more that you yearn - the more that you yearn - the higher you climb."

I hope that I can gain enough humility that I can know more and grow more. My weaknesses may one day be strengths. My strengths are real and my weakness are real and humility means knowing about both.

Who's in charge here?!

There have been 4 major instances, or groupings of instances, where it is painfully obvious to us who is control - and it ain't us. There have been other instances to be sure - but these four instances have been of a higher significance and have left me not doubting.

The first was when we were living in Colorado and we had a plethora of dilemmas that hit us at one time. We were expecting our newest baby, Kristi was going to quit working, tax time was coming, and we owned a Condo and a house because we thought we would have sold the condo be then. All these expenses were coming due at the same time (Kade even came a month early to insure that all of these things happened simultaneously) and we were living off of a $12.00/hour - 40 hour per week budget. I remember thinking as a young husband and soon to be first time dad that I was not cut out for either job. I remember feeling that "there was no way we were getting out of this one." It was so impossible in my mind that my only resort was to pray as hard as I ever had (funny - that is all I should have done to begin with and that is probably what I was being taught.). We both prayed and low and behold if things didn't turn our spectacularly. We had our baby boy and we were able to pay for him with a surprise tax return instead of a bill. We also were able to finally sell our condo to reduce our monthly expenses to the house only. Kristi was able to be the stay at home mom - which was a huge thing for us. What a huge bunch of blessings to come tumbling down upon us.

The next experience didn't have the number of obstacles or the excitement of our first one - but it was a huge blessing none the less. We had to make a decision about what to do after I graduated. I still had no obvious plan following graduation. I needed to stall and I decided to get more schooling. At the time I convinced myself that I wanted to be a professor. Looking back on it I can still say that I would love to be a professor but have zero desire to show the patience it would take to get there. That is too long and slow of a process for me. All along it was the professorship I wanted and the schooling it would take to get me there filled me with dread. But I believed in the old saying - "Fake it till you make it!" I believe that perhaps the Lord allowed me to fool myself in order to get me to the right place. Because when we left Colorado to go to Idaho we knew it was the right thing to do. We just thought it was right because that is what I needed to do to be a professor. Which leads me to number 3 . . .

Around Thanksgiving time of our first year in Idaho I had one of my most spiritual experience of my life. It was literally a life changing experience because my life has not been the same since. I was going to school full time and working full time. I saw my children and my wife very little of the time. However, we were making things work and we were doing very well. Kristi was still at home with the wee ones and I was making good grades and making good progress in school and work. It was towards the end of November that I first had strong impressions that I should not go back to school the following semester. I had already registered and had been planning to go but I felt that I shouldn't. I resisted these early promptings because I knew that I had to for my family's sake. I had no other alternative. But the urge would not go away and it wasn't 3-4 days further that I absolutely knew that the Lord had other plans for me. So I quite school immediately after my finals in the first week of December. That same week I was called in by my Stake President and asked if I would accept a calling to be the Elder's Quorum President. At work I was made a full-time Sales Representative. There was no way that I would have been able to fulfill my duties in Elder's Quorum, school, and work. The Lord intervened and to this day I have absolute confidence that he was in charge during that week of my life.

The fourth time that I have been absolutely sure that we have been guided by the hand of God is now. Over the past 3 months - the Lord has taken over. In August we suddenly felt we should put the house on the market. This did not coincide with our financial goals or plans. We had other things worked out - but we went ahead and within just a couple of days had our house on the market. During those couple of days we made some phone calls. One was to a mortgage lender to ask him if we could get a loan if we were to sell our house. He said that we absolutely could by October or November. We thought that sounded perfect as we could rent Jim and Arelene's place if we had to. But first we had to sell our house. We put it up at a horrible time. The market has been slow for everyone so we thought it would take some time to sell anyway. We showed our home over 10 times in the next 2 weeks. That is a ton of action for any home during these times. We had an offer by the end of all these showings and we had closed by Aug. 23rd, which was all of 3 or so weeks after we put it up.

On the day we accepted the offer on our house we found out from the mortgage guy that we would actually not be able to buy another home in a couple of months. He had made a mistake and it was actually going to be a couple of years before we could buy a home. Needless to say we were deeply frustrated but we knew that the Lord was in charge. We figured we would have to rent for a few years but that isn't the worst thing in the world. We couldn't see any other way around it. That is until Todd got us in touch with a builder he knew. He said we could look into building and that might be a long-term solution. The key was "would the builder finance?" It turns out he does. We are now on our way to building a home that we have designed ourselves. We are building on a plot that is beautiful and we both know that is where the Lord wants us.

We don't know why the Lord wants us there - but He has never been wrong yet. We have been through this enough times to know what it is like when the Lord takes over the wheel for a little while. What is happening right now is another instance where I know he is in charge and man am I glad that he is.

Believe it or not - He has always done better for me then I would have done for myself. What I am doing now for my profession could not be better for me as a person. I love it. I would never have thought I could enjoy work like I do now. I never would have thought to be in a position to build a home that will suit our family so well for the goals that we have. As a matter of fact, I have spent most of my married life trying to temper Kristi's expectations of what is realistic and what is appropriate to hope for. Heavenly Father has taught us that he has much higher hopes for us then we have for ourselves. He knows us and will guide us if we let Him. I add my testimony of that to all the many other testimonies that have been shared by others throughout the generations. I count on Him - I am sure that He guides and directs us to become our best possible selves.

Of Remembrance and Captivity

Remember the captivity of your fathers? Well - that is obviously not applicable to me. My father, nor his father before him, have ever been in captivity. As a matter of fact - I don't know of any ancestors that have been. Bondage . . . not so much. Slavery . . . yeah - another big no. So this scripture doesn't apply to me - they might as well have said remember your childhood barbie dolls. I didn't have any of those either. This is merely a scripture that is completely meaningless to someone of my great understanding and wisdom.

And yet I have not been able to get this scripture out of my head for a few months now: Remember the captivity of your fathers! What is it that I am supposed to be remembering?

The easy answer is this: I need to learn my history. I need to learn and remember things about world history. I need to learn and remember things about American history. I need to learn and remember things about our family history. And most importantly I need to remember my personal history.

These captivating thoughts (no pun intended - OK - maybe it was intended) originated from the captivity I have found myself in recently. Financially my wife and I made a real bone-headed decision that has put us into financial bondage. We have lost freedoms and independence because of this mistake. The thing that haunts me most about the situation we find ourselves in is that it could have and should have been avoided. I was taught by my father, on multiple occasions, the history of my grandfather, Grandpa Mac. If only I had remembered my grandfather, because what I said about not having anyone in my family come into captivity is just not true. I was just not thinking broadly enough to include other kinds of captivity besides slavery.

My Grandpa Mac owned a real estate business that ultimately failed during a real estate downturn. My father never forgot that difficult time in my grandfathers life and he tried to teach his children to avoid the same pitfalls. To my fathers credit, he did learn the lesson for himself and he has not found himself repeating his fathers experiences. My dad never said not to invest in real estate, but he cautioned me countless times about the nasty realties of the housing market during tough times. He gave advice about not getting to exited with the "good times" because the bad times were inevitable. He warned of not purchasing too big of a house or not getting caught up in too much debt. His example was one of financial conservatism. He truly did his job as a parent in providing me with enough information to make wise choices.

So what did I do during a real estate boom? I let myself get talked into some very risky investments that "could not fail". I was not told this by someone being dishonest with me, I was told this by someone who I trust and admire very much. I didn't even check into the claims or thing twice about the investment. I just said sure! So it should not have been a surprise that things turned out the way they did. I should have heeded the warnings that I had received since I was old enough to understand money.

Now I am left to ponder my own captivity. If I were to cast this situation off as "bad luck" or "who could have known", then I think would be doing myself a disservice and more importantly I believe I would be offending God. The Israelites were repeatedly cautioned to remember their own captivity. I must not ever forget the lessons I have learned from this financial setback. I must never forget what greed feels like. I must never forget how causally I risked my families security for a mere $2,000.00. I must never forget how strong the grip of debt is. I must never forget the importance of frugality. I must never forget how fragile finances are. I must never forget the mercilessness of creditors. I must never forget the injustice I have caused to my creditor because of my poor choices. I must never forget my captivity.

We are responsible for knowing and remembering the captivity of men and women throughout all ages and we must be willing to apply the lessons we learn from them. Oh Man, Remember - and perish not!

Of PER and SER and PER

So who says Fantasy Sports doesn't come in handy? I have finally put to good use my ridiculous amounts of knowledge from the fantasy basketball world. And how did I do it? Well it started with PER and then moved to SER only to end back at PER. Let me explain.

PER is a basketball stat that was created by John Hollinger from ESPN. He created this stat in order to more accurately assess the ability of NBA players. PER stands for Player Efficiency Rating. It takes all of the players stats and includes and combines them into a rather complicated algorithm. This algorithm takes into account the number of minutes played in order to adjust stats into a per minute type of analysis. He also weights the stat categories in order to put more weight on the more important stats. When the analysis is all said and done, it is obvious who the good, better, and best players are. It is truly a brilliant system.

I often use this system to help me evaluate players for my fantasy team. One evening, as I was employing this strategy, I was struck with an equally brilliant idea. Why not create an SER for my sales team, with SER standing for Sales Efficiency Rating. The next day at work, I created eight trackable stats to do with my sales team. I then created my own complex algorithm to correctly analyze these stat categories. When I was finished I had all of my Sales Reps ranked by SER. I presented the Sales Reps with this new tool and they all loved it. SER is our Sales Team's gold standard. Competition, personal improvement, and higher sales will hopefully be the result of this new and improved ranking system.

But why stop there? By not stopping . . . I was able to make it back to where I began . . . PER. I realized that I could keep track of myself with a similar rating system. A Personal (or Priesthood) Efficiency Rating. I came up with 9 categories that I could reasonably track. Each of those categories are put into an algorithm to compute my PER.

The main difference between this rating on the other ratings is that this one is meant to remain personal. I will not be competing in these categories with anyone else, as that would defeat the purpose of what I am trying to accomplish. Rather, I will be competing with myself. I set the benchmarks for each category at a level in which I am currently performing. Since this life is about progression, it is reasonable to think that I should get better as I get older. This system will track that progress. It will also motivate me to maintain a high PER. It will be much tougher to backslide and forget my efforts when a negative PER is the consequence. I hope it works, because too often I set spiritual goals for myself that don't stick. This should help with that problem and it will track my improvement month by month.

Of Regrets and Goals

Over the past year of my life, it has been easy to slip into thoughts of despair and regret. I have been blessed with a body that has rarely failed me in my life . . . until the last year or so. Even then, it hasn't necessarily failed me, it has merely been less then par. There are few things that are more annoying then a sub-par body.

My irritation heightens when I take into account the absolute knowledge that there are certain types of injuries that are reserved solely for old individuals and that these are the type of injuries that I am experiencing. Why would I be sustaining "old people" injuries? This topic is most perplexing. Only in recent reflective moments have I discovered the truth. I am an individual of the "old" variety.

This has led me to periodically ponder the past. My physical ailments proved to be a springboard to a much greater study of all things in reference to my personal history. In so doing, I have found myself debilitated by the disappointment of regret. In many of my nostalgic episodes, mental lists are conjured up to reflect my squandered opportunities, bad eating habits, etc. I even trick myself into thinking that this is a healthy exercise because it will motivate me to do better. I spend many a day dreaming of the past when dreams were clearly meant to focus on the future.

And then, on this Sunday evening, I had a discussion with my wife about goals. She is well on her way to reaching a goal she set out to achieve, and it is very clear that she will succeed. I found myself encouraging her to go faster and harder, as it seemed she might be able to beat her own expectations of herself. We had some healthy back and forth until finally something clicked.

It seemed, at the beginning of the evening, that the best way to be motivated to do better was to be dissatisfied with what had previously been done. For example: If a person were cool enough to sell bottles for a living, but they sold only one bottle for a whole month, this person would be motivated to do much better because they had performed so despicably throughout the previous month. The example certainly lends itself to some truth, but, after our discussion, it became clear that this type of motivation is of the least effective variety. The better, and possibly best, motivation comes not from disappointment or regret but from a pure desire to want to do more. What is the difference? Alas, I don't know if I can explain, but I do know there is a difference.

Both the past and the future are dependent and hinge upon the present. And, if in the present we look towards and focus on the past, we will then, quite literally, back our way into the future with thoughts of regret and disappointment constantly before our face. However, if in the present, we face the future and focus on the possibilities and opportunities that lay before us, we can have all of our disappointments and regrets squarely behind us.

By writing these thoughts down, I hope I have en graven them in mind, so that I can start to follow my own conclusions on the matter. Truly, it is the action not the thought, that is the most difficult to accomplish. Which brings me back to my beginning point . . . man is my body getting old. I hope I can find enough energy in my rickety old frame to kick my crippled self into action. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Of Presidents and Purpose

President's Day arrived and I couldn't help but wonder if someday we will be forced to celebrate King's Day (said only in jest as we have been promised that will not happen on this promised land). The sentiment seems cold and calloused and yet strangely pertinent. The accepted interpretations of the constitution in our day seem woefully inadequate for a nation which was founded and has been sustained by the hand of God.

I printed off a copy of the Bill of Rights, planning on playing the motivational role of William Wallace. I would antagonzie and excite my army (my children) into a frenzy. They would be willing to go to battle against all odds and in terrible circumstances. I attempted to wow them with a speech about the founding fathers, principles of freedom, and unalienable rights. This was going to be inspirational! This was going to be epic!

Reality, predictably, proved a bit less dramatic. I made little to no impression with my first attempt. I even had difficulty getting them to acknowledge my presence. When they finally did notice I was speaking of something that was important to me, they merely smiled and nodded their approval of the topic. It was hardly what I had envisioned.

The second attempt was much more successful. This time I was successfully able to weave death and destruction into the conversation. I related to them the carnage of the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, and the two World Wars. "Thousands, even millions, of people spilt there blood freely for "this" piece of paper," I said this while pointing emphatically at the print-off of the Bill of Rights and the Constitution. My sons were semi-impressed with the death toll . . . but they were really excited and curious as to how I was able to get my hands on a piece of paper that millions of people had died trying to obtain. Needless to say, a backtrack in the discussion was warranted, and I quickly set them straight on the difference between ideas and physical pieces of paper.

I then, rather anti-climatically, spewed from my moutht the grand Crescendo, "The ideas on this paper are worth fighting for! They are worth dying for! Many have died for the cause of freedom and many more will need to! Will you, my sons, if you are called upon?"

My oldest is 6 rose to the occasion admirably and was more then willing to grab his "life saver" and go get the bad guys. My 3 year old, however, said he wasn't to interested in dying right now. And although he didn't add the "thank you very much" to the end of his statement, he managed to maintain a frighteningly calm and polite demeanor. When pushed, he finally agreed that he would fight to save his sister's life. Which was more then enough for me at that point.

Now . . . there are days when I hope that my boys will never see the field of battle. However, my greater hope is that they will have what it takes to meet the challenge when that day comes, because I believe it will. And when it comes I pray I can be there to march off to battle with them. This is not because I see myself as a soldier. Nor is it because I do not fear death. It is because I can't imagine a more gratifying feeling then to walk, step by step, with my sons, to continue in a battle that started before this world was. If we fought it in the preexistance then we must be willing to fight for it here. It is a battle we will fight forever, together. Marching shoulder to shoulder with my own flesh and blood, I would know that I had the full blessing of my Father in Heaven. I would know that my sons and I would be counted worthy in His sight. A noble cause to share with noble men. A purpose worth any earthly sacrifice.